In this episode, Jeff meets with author John Krause to talk about John’s work in progress. Jeff talks about increasing the emotional saturation of the story through emotional vocalizations, building the tension oft he story, and maturing a character without a doing a montage of training.
Also, they invent the phrase, “Castle Punk.”
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AI Summary of the Episode
In this coaching session, host Jeff Elkins speaks with author John about his work-in-progress, a young adult science fiction novel that John describes as “Joan of Arc meets Star Wars”. The story follows Laura, a peasant girl who receives divine messages and is propelled into leading an army to save her planet. The setting features a “Castle Punk” aesthetic, blending medieval weaponry and 15th-century agrarian lifestyles with sci-fi elements like energy shields and solar-wind ships.
Review of Chapter 3: The Inciting Incident
The conversation focuses on a technical review of Chapter 3, which John describes as an action-heavy “inciting incident”.
- The Scene: Laura is at her 17th birthday wedding ceremony—the traditional age for marriage in her town—when a missile strikes the town square and destroys the ceremony.
- Laura’s Personality: John describes Laura as a rule-follower who values justice, fairness, and equity. While she is not a “rebel for rebels’ sake” and is willing to follow town traditions, she harbors a deep longing for a life with more meaning.
Key Teaching Point: Emotional Saturation and Vocalization
Jeff’s primary feedback is to increase the “emotional saturation” of the action scenes. He notes that because Laura is often alone during these chaotic moments, she can come across as stoic because her emotions are internal rather than externalized.
- Vocalization as Texture: Jeff suggests that Laura should talk to herself or mutter small prayers to her world’s deity, Ma. He explains that vocalizations, even simple utterances like “this can’t be real,” provide emotional texture and weight to the body language and internal thoughts already present.
- Cinematic Examples: Jeff references Bruce Willis in Die Hard as a character who constantly mutters to himself while alone to pull the audience into his emotional state.
Character Dynamics and Tension
Jeff and John discuss how to use secondary characters to highlight the world-building and raise stakes:
- Cultural Misogyny: The dialogue with Laura’s fiancé, Kanan, should reflect the male-driven culture where she is treated “childlike” and told to go hide.
- The “Impossible Problem”: Laura finds a boy named Betto and brings him to his home, where his mother is dying of starvation. Jeff advises John to keep the helplessness of the family (a dying woman, a baby, and two children) at the forefront of the scene, as they serve as a powerful metaphor for powerlessness against the enemy.
- The Hero’s Choice: Laura eventually makes the “hero trope” decision to sacrifice herself for the many, leaving the family she is protecting to attempt to save the town’s remaining grain surplus.
Teaching Point: The Training Montage
John asks for advice on how to show Laura developing military skills without her becoming a “Mary Sue” (a character who is unnaturally perfect) or spending 40 pages on a “boot camp” arc.
- The Trio Dynamic: Laura is accompanied by a grumpy, reluctant alien mentor and a bureaucrat peer.
- Montage Structure: Jeff recommends using short, disconnected paragraphs that flash through moments of time. These snippets should show the mentor listing the impossibility of her task, followed by scenes where she begins to “effortlessly” pick up skills, punctuated by the reactions of her companions.
The session concludes with Jeff praising the high-octane tension of the writing and encouraging John to continue leaning into the “Castle Punk” elements of the world.