In this episode, Jeff sits down with author Joan Lightning. Jeff and Joan talk about her fantasy novel in progress. They look at an action scene with four cast members that is filled with action and complicated relationships.
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AI Summary
This editing session focuses on Joan’s work-in-progress regarding Cherik, a character who has evolved across her previous series from an antagonist to an anti-hero. The current project is a collection of self-contained stories exploring Cherik’s life and the events that shaped his sociopathic, zealot nature.
Character and Plot Overview
The specific scene under review involves Cherik and a team of three others—who have worked together for over 200 years—attempting to escape a city after murdering a king. The characters are albinos from an opposing religion who are permitted in the city only by treaty. A central conflict in the story is the sacrifice of Drexel (also referred to as Durkshaw), a shapeshifter who takes Cherik’s form to be executed in his place. Joan explains that this is part of an “ambitious” arc where Cherik, centuries later, finally realizes that Drexel was a true friend, a concept he currently suppresses and rationalizes.
Jeff’s Technical Feedback
Jeff provides several suggestions to enhance the emotional impact and clarity of the 3,000-word piece:
- Emotional Saturation: Jeff explains that the most impactful way to convey emotion is for the main character to experience it directly. He notes that having a character’s death happen “off-camera” and revealed later is the least saturated way to handle the moment, though Joan explains this is necessary due to the story’s strict point-of-view constraints.
- Building Tension Through “Vocalizations”: Jeff suggests adding brief dialogue exchanges or “vocalizations” during high-action moments. For example, when Cherik orders the group to leave, a quick response from the party would accentuate the emotional urgency of the start.
- Managing Group Dynamics: Because the team has been together for two centuries, Jeff recommends adding reflections on how their relationships have changed. He suggests using these interactions to establish Cherik’s sociopathic perspective on his underlings.
- Adjusting Tone and Sarcasm: Jeff warns that a scene where Cherik punches Drexel in the face during a sentimental moment currently reads as comical or slapstick rather than tragic. He advises building Cherik’s anger and despair before the punch to make it feel like a tragic rejection of information he isn’t ready to hear. He also notes that British sarcasm in the dialogue may need body language cues to be clear to American readers.
- Grounding the Setting: Joan acknowledges that she needs to better describe the setting—a city built on a single mountain in the middle of a plain—as the readers have not “seen” this location in previous books.
Refining the “God-Like” Connection
Joan describes a nuanced moment where Drexel looks at Cherik with an expression of worship or love, which Cherik doesn’t recognize because it is the same expression he himself wears when looking at his god. Jeff strongly encourages Joan to expand on this observation in the text, as it creates a beautiful texture for their relationship and hammers home the weight of the eventual sacrifice.